


balter

by goodvibes_allaround



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dancing, Falling In Love, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-26 21:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20749139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodvibes_allaround/pseuds/goodvibes_allaround
Summary: balter (v.) — to dance artlessly, without particular grace or skill but usually with enjoyment.it wasn’t until noya saw asahi, with the widest, most careless grin on his face, that he thought,oh.oh fuck.





	balter

here’s how it starts:

noya’s young and full of energy and hormones when he joins the karasuno volleyball team, where he meets the most intimidating, most selfless, most _nervous_ person to walk the face of the earth.

he’s young too, only a second year, but he doesn’t look the part. he has long, floppy hair that he ties into a bun, and the beginnings of a fine beard. his name is azumane asahi, and he’s the ace. noya is floored. 

they grow closer than their respective positions are accustomed to. closer than necessary, for sure. closer than is healthy? maybe. closer than noya would have liked? hell no. he loved watching asahi soar, he loved helping asahi gain his confidence. he loved…

well, he really fucking loved volleyball.

***

here’s how it almost fell to pieces:

the iron wall not only crushed them, it tore them apart.

asahi blamed himself. of course he did. even if it was completely and obviously not his fault.

noya said some things. things he wasn’t entirely proud of. some things he didn’t mean. some things he meant a little too much. 

he thinks asahi did, too. he hopes so, at any rate. hopes asahi didn’t really mean it. hopes he was just tired and angry and it was temporary and he didn’t really mean it. please let him not really mean it.

but.

he didn’t come to morning practice.

and noya may have found him and yelled some more. said a couple more things. things that were true, dammit, but.

but.

this was asahi, so of course it didn’t help. 

and noya was suspended, anyway. 

***

here’s how they mended their cracked parts:

noya was released from suspension at long last and couldn’t help showing off, just a little. it felt _great_, being on the court again. hearing the floorboards squeak underneath him and the ball bounce neatly from his arms into an a-pass. 

but.

asahi was gone. 

he was gone and had no intentions of coming back. apparently.

and all noya could think was _coward_. 

and all noya could do was refuse to play.

he didn’t know exactly why, at first. not in words. he felt it in his heart and he felt it fully, but he couldn’t name it.

he figured it out. eventually. 

he really, _really_ hated playing without asahi. he hated it the entire time he was away from the team, and he knew he’d hate it even more once he was back. 

it was like he’d had a sip of the greatest things in life, and he was promised the whole glass, only to find out that there was none.

and, well.

he didn’t want to prove asahi _right._

he didn’t want to be there if everyone saw that _hey, maybe we_ can _do this without him_.

so he _wouldn’t_ be there.

but.

asahi showed up to practice. through some hassle and yelling, maybe, but.

he came back.

not only did he find the courage to show up, but he played. and he _spiked_. through some hassle and encouragement (yelling), maybe, but.

but god did noya feel lighter than ever.

***

and here’s how it all crashed and burned

***

“Noya!” Suga cried, delighted. He opened the door wider. “Come on in! It’s already a party in here!”

And it was. Music thrummed through the Sawamura household, and Noya felt it in his bones when he stepped inside. Most of his teammates had already arrived. Tanaka swung wildly to the beat, nearly spilling his drink with every hip thrust. Ennoshita looked on, exasperated. Hinata and Kageyama were dancing aggressively at each other, and Daichi was torn between being amused and annoyed. Yamaguchi, Tsuskishima, Kinoshita, and Narita were chatting like normal humans, pretending they weren’t surrounded by lunatics. Yamaguchi eyed the dancing teens half-wistfully, until Tsukishima gave him a shove and a near-imperceptible smile. Yama grinned back and went to join in with the lunatics. 

It may have been an end-of-season blowout party, but it was silently agreed that no one was allowed to be sad from the hours of 8 pm to midnight. It was illegal. 

So Noya made his way over to arrest Azumane Asahi.

Figuratively.

“Hey you,” he called over the music, aiming a jab at Asahi’s ribcage. Asahi jerked to attention, sloshing his cup onto the floor. He grimaced at it momentarily before turning his attention to Noya. 

“Hello,” he called back. 

“What’s your problem?” Noya tried to get closer to Asahi’s ear so he wouldn’t have to yell, but Asahi was making it exceptionally difficult. He straightened his back, and Noya could barely make out the blush dusting his nose in the low light. 

“What?” Asahi’s voice rose an octave. 

“You,” Noya accused, poking at Asahi’s arm, “are doing that face. The one you make when you think too hard. Stop thinking.”

A smile dissolved the line between Asahi’s eyebrows. “Sorry,” he apologized. “It’s… a lot.” He gestured vaguely to the air beside his head.

Noya tipped his head. “The music?”

Asahi’s mouth twitched down momentarily. “No,” he sighed, unheard over the music. “Everything else.” 

Noya frowned. _What_ else? “Wanna go outside?” he asked, grabbing Asahi’s hand before he could object. Asahi followed him.

Team members greeted them as they passed, and Noya grinned at every one of them. He would miss this. He shoved that thought away due to it being illegal, and pulled the back door open. The cool night air rushed to greet him. They stepped through the threshold, music behind them still pounding but not overwhelming.

Asahi sighed again, and this time Noya heard it. He turned sharply to face the ace, studying the lines of his face. He looked worn under the moonlight.

“So?” Noya prompted. Asahi didn’t turn to face him, but his eyes moved to meet Noya’s. They stayed like that.

“I don’t know anything anymore,” Asahi admitted. Noya frowned. 

“Yes, you do,” he argued. “You sure know how to spike a ball.”

Asahi laughed. It was humorless. “Yeah,” he agreed. “There’s that. But that’s not exactly going to help me _do_ anything, is it?” He moved forward and set his forearms on the old railing of the porch. 

Noya didn’t get it. “What do you mean?”

Asahi made a strangled noise in his throat. “I mean—,” he broke off, groaning. 

Noya waited patiently. It may not have been his strong suit, but he could do it. For Asahi.

Asahi looked into the sky like it had the answers. His eyes lingered on the moon, and it shone right back at him. Noya inched slowly forward, beginning to lean over the railing, trying to get Asahi to notice him again. 

Asahi’s eyes flickered over to Noya, who had nearly toppled over the side by this point. He groaned again. “I mean, what the hell am I gonna _do_ with myself after this? After volleyball? After school? I don’t know if I’m built for uni, Nishinoya. What am I meant to do?” He sounded so… lost. It pulled something in Noya’s chest, but he ignored it.

Noya, in all honesty, had no idea what to say. He’d never thought about anything of the sort. In fact, he’d been dodging that one crucial detail for the better part of the season. 

That one little detail that called itself ‘Asahi leaving.’

So he did what a libero ought to: receive and deflect.

He grabbed Asahi’s shoulder and heaved, turning the ace to him. “Hey,” he growled, “how long have you been thinking about this?”

Asahi looked at him mournfully. “A while,” he admitted. “A little before the end of season.”

“Well, _quit it_.”

Asahi flinched back, near-imperceptibly. This was clearly not what he had been expecting Noya to say.

“We,” Noya snarled, “are here to have a good time. Tonight is the one night we are going to put everything aside to have fun with our team. And you,” he jabbed Asahi’s chest a little too hard, “are going to shut your brain up and have fun with me. Us. You are going to have a good time and not think about any of that.” Noya softened his grip. “Okay?”

Asahi’s jaw moved worriedly. He looked down. “Easier said than done,” he sighed. He glanced back up. “But I’ll try.”

The door slid open behind them. “Hey, guys! Daichi has Just Dance on—oh,” Suga broke off, seeing their compromising position. Asahi sprang backwards, smacking his butt into the rail and forcing Noya to release him. 

Suga’s eyes flickered between the two of them quizzically. Asahi was frozen stiff, and Noya straightened up slowly, feeling the blush flaring in his cheeks. Fuck, what was wrong with him? It was just Suga. He and Asahi were just talking. Why did Asahi have to be so dramatic?

“Uh, anyway, come inside! We’re having a tournament,” Suga called, turning away. 

“_Fuck_ yes! Get ready to get beat! I am the dancing queen!” Noya yelled, bounding forward, blush forgotten. He paused in the door, looking back. Asahi was clinging to the railing, looking rather stunned. 

“Are you coming, Asahi?”

The ace jerked out of his own head, blinking rapidly. “Um, yes!” he yelped, hurrying forward. Noya grinned at him. Asahi grimaced weakly back. 

When they rounded the corner to the living room, they were greeted by the sight of Yamaguchi, Hinata, and Kageyama tearing it up on the dancefloor. Nicki Minaj’s _Starships_ played in time with their moves. Well, mostly with Yamaguchi’s moves. Hinata was flailing to the best of his ability, and Kageyama was… doing his best, Noya was sure. 

Noya crashed onto the couch next to Tanaka, who was cheering his kouhai on. They wrestled for arm space, and ultimately, Noya resigned himself to being pressed into the couch by Tanaka’s elbow. 

Yamaguchi was surprisingly agile and coordinated. He snapped his arms in time with the models on screen, and Noya saw _Good! Perfect! Great!_ flash under his nickname. He had the highest score by far. Hinata was in second, but Noya was convinced it was mostly luck. Kageyama, on the other hand, had no sense of rhythm or movement. He jounced awkwardly, trying to follow the example and succeeding in looking like he had restricted movement in all limbs. 

They all had a laugh at the final scores. Then the next pair was up. Try as they might, the tournament was a flop. It devolved into a bunch of sweaty teenagers throwing limbs into the air in a too-small room with shitty American music playing in the background. But god, it was fun.

Noya, Tanaka, Ennoshita, and Narita flopped back into their respective spots on the couch, having danced their hearts out to _What Does the Fox Say?_ Noya didn’t even have enough energy to start a scuffle with Tanaka when he laid half on top of Noya. 

“Third year’s round!” Suga cried gleefully, leaping to his feet. Daichi followed in good nature, leaving Asahi to fend for himself. 

“What?” Asahi squawked. Suga and Daichi latched onto his hands, yanking him to his feet. “No, I’m really not—I don’t dance,” Asahi argued desperately, friends towing him to the middle of the dancefloor. 

“Woo, Asahi!” Noya called from beneath Tanaka. Asahi shot him a hopeless glance. 

“You’re dancing with _us_,” Daichi huffed. “And besides, half the people in here can’t dance for their lives.”

“Rude!” Tanaka yelled.

Daichi shot him a patronizing glance. “Anyway,” he said, “what song do we want?” He started flipping through titles mindlessly, hardly giving any pause. Noya could barely keep up.

“Oh!” Suga cried suddenly, smacking Daichi’s arm repeatedly. “Go back, go back!”

“Ow, Jesus fuck, Suga,” Daichi muttered, but he complied. He stopped on a song when Suga slapped his shoulder. “_I Will Survive_? Seriously?”

“_Yes_,” Suga emphasized. “It’s perfect. Especially for poor Asahi.”

Daichi snorted. “You have shitty American tastes,” he said, at the same time Asahi cried, “I take offence to that!”

Suga lunged forward, selecting _Play_ from Daichi’s remote. He giggled gleefully when the opening sequence came on, and Daichi snatched his controller away in mock-offence. 

The zombie-characters on screen stumbled into position, and then the chaos began. The dance moves were not graceful in the slightest. All of the arm motions were jerky and… zombie-like. Of course. But the third years mimicked the movements as best they could. 

Throughout the song, Asahi loosened up. Noya could see when he started to forget about the people on the couch behind him. He started moving unrestrained, stomping his feet with fervor. He stopped apologizing for knocking his hands into Daichi’s shoulder (which happened way too often to count). And…

And he had the wildest, dopiest smile on his face. Noya could feel the enthusiasm running from him. When Asahi half-turned in his direction, and he got to see that grin in all its glory, well. 

Noya didn’t stand a chance.

He stiffened, the sudden need to go and run and get _away_ nearly bursting at the seams. Tanaka took notice. It was hard not to, considering he was making half of Noya into a pancake anyway. 

“Oi, you alright?” he asked, shifting off. 

Noya didn’t move. He couldn’t move. The sweat on his back turned cold. His arms would ache from staying this stiff for long. He couldn’t move and he couldn’t think and he couldn’t _breathe_ and he needed to go right now.

The song ended, and Asahi became very suddenly aware of the teens catcalling all around him, hooting and hollering. All except two. 

He turned to meet Noya’s eyes, and Noya broke from his reprieve. 

“I need to,” he gasped, launching himself from the cushion, “bathroom. Be back.” His words were stilted, uneven. He sprinted from the room, ignoring the look Tanaka levelled at his back. 

He slammed the bathroom door behind him, gasping for breath. 

_Fuck._

Oh, he was so fucked. He was so, entirely, _utterly_ fucked. 

_How did I miss this?_ he thought, mind beginning to race.

He was in love with Azumane Asahi. 

He was the epitome of fucked. 

A fist pounded on the door. “Noya!” Tanaka yelled outside. “You okay, dude?”

_No_, Noya thought. _No, I am not okay. I am the opposite of okay. I’m terrible. This is terrible. Oh my god, he’d be terrified if I ever said anything. I can’t do that to him. _

“Dude,” Tanaka said, pushing the door open slightly. Noya forgot to lock it. “Seriously. Are you okay?”

Noya swallowed mutely. He heaved a breath and nodded. He didn’t need to drag Tanaka into this, too. 

“Alright, well, that’s bullshit.” 

Noya winced, refusing to meet Tanaka’s eyes. “I’m fine, Ryuu. Seriously. Let’s just go back.” He tried to slip past, but Tanaka shoved him, and his back thumped against the wall. 

“No, you’re very clearly not! Noya, c’mon, tell ol’ Tanaka what’s wrong.” He clicked the door shut and leaned back against it, sealing Noya’s only exit. 

Noya’s breath hissed from his throat. He grit his teeth, staring into the mirror. He could see Tanaka’s half-glare, half-concerned look in the reflection. 

“Look, it’s not really important right now. I promise I’ll tell you about it later,” he said, hoping in vain that Tanaka would forget. 

Tanaka glared. He would _not_. “Fine. Fine, later,” he agreed huffily. He wasn’t happy about it, but he would respect Noya’s space. Noya was infinitely grateful and constantly cursing his best friend’s existence. 

They exited the bathroom, making their way back to the living room. Tanaka bumped their shoulders together, trying to lighten Noya’s mood. Noya shot him a faltering grin. 

They rounded the corner to find that Yamaguchi had finally convinced Tsukishima to join in, and he was even _worse_ than Kageyama. Hinata found infinite glee in this fact, and heckled him relentlessly. His jabs were barbless, but Tsukki seemed to take offence anyway. 

Asahi was watching him when Noya dared to look over. He tipped his head, brows creased in concern and question. Noya snapped his head away, heart beating much too fast for his liking. 

How in the world had he missed this?

***

They say hindsight is 20/20, and Noya believed it. It was like he had found the final puzzle piece that made the whole picture perfect.

It almost made sense that he had fallen in like this. Fallen for Asahi, of all people. It was rational. Now that he knew what he was looking for, everything was crystal clear. 

The swelling in his chest when Asahi spiked the best he could? The feeling that was just a little bit more than pride? The reason he was willing to fight any person that said a single negative thing about Asahi? How he wanted nothing more than for Asahi to be perfectly happy and comfortable with himself?

It made perfect sense. Everything clicked into place. Noya had been living with his world’s axis off-kilter, and only now did it right itself. 

He stared up at his ceiling, feelings and thoughts crashing over him like waves. His limbs were heavy, he couldn’t move. 

He had been in love with Asahi for a very long time. 

The ringing of his phone shattered his quiet world. He groaned, flipping over and grabbing it from his bedside table. 

He answered it, sparing only a moment to check the caller ID. “What?” he groaned. 

“Don’t ‘what’ me!” Tanaka barked at him. “In fact, I was going to ‘what’ you!”

“Dude,” Noya said, sitting up, “what are you even saying to me?”

“Shut up! You’re going to tell me what the hell was going on at the party!” Tanaka demanded. 

Noya stifled another groan. He was quiet for a minute.

“Wanna come over?” he finally asked. It would be… easier to talk about this in person. 

Tanaka fell silent. “Um, yeah, man. Be right over.” They hung up, and Noya flung his phone gently onto the bed next to him. He was going through hell. He was in hell. Life was hell. 

Tanaka arrived a few minutes later. He flung Noya’s door open, letting the hall’s lights seep into the room. 

“Dude,” Noya complained, shielding his face. 

“Alright, Mr. Vampire. What’s the deal?” Tanaka flopped onto the bed next to Noya, throwing him up for a moment. 

Noya groaned, long a drawn-out. Tanaka waited through the theatrics. He played with a loose thread on Noya’s blanket, letting Noya take his time. 

“I,” Noya started uncertainly, “think I like someone.”

Tanaka waited for him to say anything else, but Noya didn’t. He turned to face Noya with a frown. 

“Okay? And?”

Noya flipped onto his stomach and grabbed a pillow from his headboard, clutching it. “And I have no idea what to do.”

Tanaka frowned. “What do you mean? I think it’s pretty obvious.”

Noya pushed his face into the pillow, muffling yet another groan. Maybe eventually he wouldn’t be able to make any other noise, and he’d evolve into some kind of groan-monster. 

“You don’t get it,” he argued, pulling his face from it’s fluffy confines. “It’s terrible. If I—if I told them then everything would go to shit.”

Tanaka clicked his tongue. “What’s so different about this one, man? You’ve never been afraid when you liked someone before.”

Noya set his face into the pillow again, puffing out his cheeks. What’s so different, indeed. What’s so different is that it’s _Asahi_. It’s Asahi, who’s nervous and sweet and stupidly selfless. It’s Asahi, who has a LINE bear sleep mask and loves tonkotsu ramen. It’s Asahi, who’s always the butt of the joke but smiles along anyway. It’s Asahi, who would do absolutely anything for his friends. 

It’s Asahi, who’s leaving in a couple months.

Noya yanked himself violently from his thoughts. “It’s just—it’s like _who_ it is that makes it hard. I really don’t want to hurt them.”

“Oh my god,” Tanaka groaned. He jabbed Noya in the side. “You’re being very cryptic. Stop being so cryptic. I’m your best friend, man. Just tell me.”

Noya rolled away, swatting at Ryuu’s hands. He contemplated making up a big excuse and dodging the question, but he wouldn’t get away with that for long. Tanaka would be on his ass forever. 

Noya let out one long-suffering sigh. It was now or never. He collected his courage and looked Tanka right in the eye. 

“I’m in love with Asahi.”

The air _whooshed_ out of Noya’s lungs. God, it felt good to be out with it. Well, it also felt kinda terrible. Like, really very scarily terrible. Like _oh fuck_ maybe he really shouldn’t have said anything at all terrible. 

“Oh,” Tanaka murmured, sitting back. 

“Yeah,” Noya agreed.

“_Oh_.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god.”

“_Yeah_.”

“Oh, jeez, this is. Hmm. Yeah. Damn, Noya, I—wow. Yeah, okay.”

Frost crept through Noya’s chest. “Are you, like… fine with that?” 

“With what— oh! Dude, yeah! Yeah, man, that’s totally chill. It’s kinda not my place to say, but Saeko is bi. So, yeah, you’re one-hundred percent good. You’re still my best friend.” Tanaka rolled into Noya’s personal space and encapsulated him in a hug.

The ice building around his arteries melted, and he leaned into Tanaka’s touch. He swallowed over the lump in his throat. “Thanks.”

“No problem, man,” Tanaka replied, loosening his grip. 

They sat in silence for a minute, until Tanaka broke it with another question. “So… how long?”

Noya closed his eyes. “Dude, I don’t even _know_. I just figured it out at the party last night, but… I think it’s been like this for a really long time.” 

“Damn,” Tanaka muttered. “Wild.”

“I know.”

“But,” Tanaka continued, “ you still gotta figure out what you’re going to do.”

Noya groaned and pulled away, flopping dramatically onto his side. Stupid fucking logic, always ruining the moment. 

“Honestly?” he said, running his hands over the covers. “I don’t think I’m gonna do anything.”

Tanaka squawked. “Whatd’ya mean? That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

Noya’s mouth twitched. Why wasn’t he allowed to be passive for once in his goddamn life? “Look,” he said instead, “the thing is, Asahi’s leaving anyway. It would just fuck things up between us, and I really don’t want that. Can’t I have this normally for just another month?”

Tanaka looked down on him, eyebrows furrowed. He glanced out the window in contemplation. He snorted softly. “I dunno, man. Like, you’re right, but also… what if?”

Noya slammed his head down. That was exactly the question he wouldn’t allow himself to ask. What if _what_? What if Asahi magically decided he liked Noya, too? What if they decided to try out a long distance? What if life turned into a big fucking fairy tale? Right. 

“I just can’t risk it, Ryuu. If it goes wrong, there’s a pretty high chance I’d never see Asahi after graduation.” Noya resumed staring at his ceiling, letting his depressing thoughts wash over him again.

Tanaka leveled him with a stare. “You really think Asahi’s the kind of guy that would just abandon you because you have some big gay feelings for him?”

Noya grunted, turning his head away. Fuck Ryuu and his sudden wisdom about everything. “No,” he mumbled into the pillow. 

“Yeah, exactly,” Tanaka crowed, smacking Noya’s shoulder. “So, what are you gonna _do_?”

Noya endured the abuse, scrunching his nose. He sat up, throwing the pillow aside. “I just can’t do that to him,” he decided. “He’d get that look on his face, you know, like I drop kicked his grandmother in front of him, and then he’d get real awkward and avoid me for a while. And then eventually he’d start feeling guilty about _that_, and he’d try to make things better, but it wouldn’t. Everything would be awful. And then he’d leave and we’d grow slowly more distant until we were just high school friends and never see each other again.”

Tanaka was quiet for a minute. “Damn,” he mumbled, eyeing Noya. “You’ve thought about that one a lot, huh?”

Noya flopped back down. “I’ve had a lot of time.”

Tanaka snorted. “Less than 24 hours, but sure.” He grabbed the pillow that Noya had discarded, holding it to his chest. They laid in contemplative silence. 

“You know,” Tanaka broke it, “I’ll support you, ‘cause you’re my best friend, and I want you to be happy.” He turned to stare at Noya. “But I think this might be one of those things that you end up regretting when you get old, you know? They always talk about, like, missed opportunities ‘n’ shit. I think this counts.” 

Noya frowned. “I stand by my logic now, and I’ll stand by it later. Now shut up and help me feel better with Smash Bros.”

Ryuu half-grinned. “Fine,” he agreed. “I’ll leave it. But I’m not going easy on you.”

“Fuck you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first unusual word-inspired fic!! i've got lots of words saved up in my phone, and this is by no means a new concept, but i love it a lot!!!! so look out for more in the future! perhaps not soon, since i really wanna finish anfp:tt but!! they'll come around. 
> 
> anyway, thanks for reading!! it means a lot every time you comment and kudos!! big hearts for all my readers


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